I found out there was a reason why all of the goth girl cartoons were my favorite and why I struggled with trying to walk the seemingly thin line of platonic affection and “acting weird” towards my friends. I feverishly followed as many accounts as I could in an attempt to replace the complete lack of lesbians in my real life and religiously checked for new posts and Instagram stories to see what new thing I could learn about myself.
It was so surreal to find that not only did other people have the same experience that I did, they were able to articulate it in such a short, funny, and succinct way that answered so many questions that had plagued me for years. I found myself in a rabbit hole of lesbian memes that had me laughing until I was crying but also actually crying. "Here, I'll give you an example.Once Instagram figured out that I was gay, my explore page was inundated with lesbian content. English, Math, Science, and Logic," Jim told Bob. Jim excitedly went back to the bar, awaited by Bob. "Yeah, that's what logic is," the Dean responded. "Yes, yes I do have a wife and I am heterosexual! Wow, I can't believe you found out all of that just because you knew I had a weed wacker!" Jim exclaimed. And if you have a wife, then logically speaking you're heterosexual." "And if you have a family, then logically speaking you have a wife. "And if you have a house, then logically speaking you have a family." "Well, if you have a lawn, then logically speaking you own a house." "Well, if you own a weed wacker, then logically speaking you own a lawn," the Dean said. You are going to take 4 classes," the Dean says. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take. Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers. "Oh," said the devil, "then you're going to hate Thursdays."
"Perfect," said the devil, "are you gay?" "Actually that sounds great," says the guy And don't worry about the dangers because you're already dead! Yes you're going to LOVE Wednesdays" We start off nice and easy with the finest hash, then move on to coke as a nice pick me up, then we go out and do ecstasy and dance and have a great time then we wind the day down with some top-notch heroin. Probably our most popular day to be honest. "Perfect," said the devil, "then you're going to LOVE Wednesdays, Wednesday is our drug day. "I smoke pot every now and then," said the guy. "That does sound pretty good," said the guy, "but." A very popular day, you're going to LOVE Tuesdays." We wake up, have breakfast with amazing Bloody Marys that takes us to an early lunch where we have pizza and beer then drink beer and whiskey all afternoon until dinner time where we have the best wines, followed by port and cognac. "Perfect," said the devil, "then you're going to LOVE Tuesdays, Tuesday is our drinking day. "Sure," said the guy, "everyone likes a drink every now and then." "That does sound ok," said the guy, "but if it's all the same to you I want to talk to the man upstairs and see." It's really a lot of fun, you're going to LOVE Mondays" In the morning we play blackjack and roulette, at lunch we bet on the horses, in the afternoon we bet on sports games and at night we play cards. "Perfect," said the devil, "then you're going to LOVE Mondays, Monday is our gambling day. "I gamble a little bit," said the guy, "I play poker with my friends every now and then and always have a bet on the big horse races." "Let me give you an example," he said, "what's today? Monday right? Yes, Monday. Unconvinced, the guy prepared to object but the devil cut him off. "Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realize - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here." "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!" "What!?!" said the guy, starting to panic. "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is!" "You're in Hell," said the devil, appearing. A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates.